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Dear Dionysus VII

Dear Dionysus VII

Dear Dionysus,

Today I’d like to get into a topic that I know you find exceedingly fascinating: teenage girls.

My experience with girls at seventeen was limited to my short-lived debacle with Medea. However, I thought about girls and meeting girls and doing things with girls (both romantic and sordid in nature) as much as any teenaged heterosexual male, I suppose. Probably more, actually: Once I met you, Dionysus, I thought about them constantly.

I was still a virgin at this point, and was likely still too cowardly to do the coital quadrille even if I had a willing partner. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t try, just to see how I measured up.

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