Tag Archives: clowns

I Am A Grown Man And I Collect Clowns

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Author reading an excerpt of his personal narrative at the 2014 WALL Literary Journal public reading.

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The Return of Sterling Wormwood: A Tragedy in Three Acts

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Sterling Wormwood live at Surfin’ Cowboy in Capo Beach, California June 7, 2014.

Please remain calm! You are about to witness a tragedy in three acts (in the key of A minor). You will be terrified! You will be tantalized! You will be traumatized! It is not for the faint of heart (or squares). So stay if you dare! But remember… WORMWOOD WASN’T HERE.

Clowns

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Clowns

I am a grown man and I collect clowns. Statues, dolls, paintings, photographs, knick-knacks, flower vases, ashtrays, coffee mugs, music boxes, picture frames: anything having to do with clowns, I dig. Now, I am fully aware that this is not typical behavior for a somebody my age, and if I had one clown item for every time a friend, family member, or girlfriend has voiced this sentiment, well, I’d probably have the same amount of clown items that I do now. Which is a lot.

I keep clowns everywhere. I have so many clowns in my room that people who know me have dubbed it “The Clown Room,” a title that I probably find more endearing than it is intended to be. I even have a couple in my car: a painted statuette of a magician clown nestled in my center console and a clown on a swing that I rigged up from the rear passenger window so that it actually swings while the car is in motion. The latter is an exceptionally cute little conversation piece:

“I just love your Cadilla—Is that a clown on a swing?”

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

“You know, where I’m going isn’t too far of a walk. You can let me out here…”

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Feeding Back The Feedback, Jack

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I got bored this morning and made a trailer video for my YouTube Channel (Prank Calls From Outer Space). Some of the quotes I actually swiped from my followers, so check it out to see if you’re in there. I didn’t mean anything with the clowns, by the way…

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A Fleeting, Ephemeral Prometheus; or, Scapegoating Air Guitar

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A Fleeting, Ephemeral Prometheus; or, Scapegoating Air Guitar

When I was in elementary school, one of my best friends was a kid named Jon. Jon’s father was the vice principal of Dana Hills High School, which I would later attend (albeit very reluctantly and infrequently). Mr. Schlesinger, as his father was called, thought it would be beneficial for us young children to attend the air guitar there one year, so that we could glimpse how fun and exciting our futures would be. I was maybe ten years old, and even though the event would just be a bunch of pimple faced kids pretending to sing vapid pop songs, this would be the closest thing to a concert I would experience at that time.

I remember the hallways seeming really large and the ceilings really high. The students were so big that they were more adults than kids in my eyes; I was intimidated to be sure, but excited nonetheless.

As I would come to discover in time, the event wasn’t much different from nearly every other air guitar, pep rally, and school dance function in existence. Students did performances of popular radio hits of the day and classics from the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s. Some were more entertaining than others, but nothing really stood out too much in hindsight—with one notable exception.

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“Merry-Go-Round” by Sterling Wormwood (unmixed)

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I apologize for the severe lack of writing activity on my part as of late. I have been extraordinarily busy with many things, one of which is recording an album. There will be much more writing to come, but for now, here is an unmixed track that I just about wrapped up today. Dig it.

Isa Isa Isa

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Starring Morgan Grinder

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