A Little Matter Of Nomenclature

A Little Matter Of Nomenclature

I’ve been meaning to clear something up for some time now.
It’s a little matter of nomenclature.
Every time some caveman motorist screams from his lifted truck,
“Hipster faggot!”
or some such endearing expletive
and then screams off to the sports bar or whatever,
I never have time to make my rebuttal,
which is:
I’m not a hipster, I’m a dandy.

I can see how your feeble, just barely functioning minds
might get confused on the matter.
After all, anybody with a style,
any style,
that’s not sagging shorts and crooked caps and Metal Mulisha
by default,
and therefore fair game
for your limited intellect
and insults

Which is fine, guys.
I get it, bro.
I can see how you might get confused
and a bit flustered
seeing somebody like me,
an individual who believes in things like
as opposed to
the bigger the better
(cool truck).

But I just wanted to take a moment and address the group as a whole:
I prefer “dandy queer”
to “hipster faggot,”
the reason being
that I see aesthetic as a serious enterprise
and ideological concept:
Everything I wear,
every affectation I adopt,
every mannerism I make,
is intentional and important to me.
Simply put:
As silly as I may look to you
in your clearly cohesive grasp of things like
style and fashion
(Dig the Ed Hardy, mate),
it’s deadly serious to me.
There is nothing ironic or jokes about the way I dress
which is,
of course,
why I am not a hipster.

Hipsterism celebrates irony;
Dandyism condemns it.

So next time you see me
and your tiny throbbing brain lights up
with the impulse to hurl slurs,
make sure it’s “dandy queer”
and not “hipster faggot.”
I don’t want you to make a fools of yourselves
(a doomed endeavor, I know);
This is for you
not me.

And to anybody who may thinking
that denying one’s Hipsterism
is the most hipster thing one could do,
I would say only this:
The only Arcade Fire I’m familiar with is the one I started in the third grade when I got cut off the Ms. Pac Man machine, so your argument is invalid.

I’m glad we could clear things up.

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