How Come Everyone Knows The Rules But Me?

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1.  Don’t be stupid, because people can tell.
2.  Hide your vices: booze smells, especially on your breath.  And track marks ain’t so pretty, neither.
3.  There’s no crying in: baseball, war, shoot outs, chess, checkers, horse races, or one night stands (I know it’s hard, but deal with it).
4.  Never fall in love.  Especially with a woman.  Particularly with a woman you love.
5.  Keep your friends close, but your vices closer (Sailor Jerry beats railing Mary).
6.  Do your homework, but never work at home.
7.  You’re not William Wordsworth, but you can come pretty damn close.
8.  Just because your ex-girlfriends are right doesn’t mean that you’re wrong.
9.  When in doubt, eat Laffy Taffy.
10.  —

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